about as well as one could wish or expect; satisfactory; fine; OK
its like the difference between the real truth and the fake truth. when someone tells you that everything in their life is "fine," do you believe them? kinda seems like theyre hiding something. in the past, i did my fair of pretending. pretending i fit in here or there, pretending i was good at chemistry, pretending that i knew about politics or music or fashion, pretending i wanted to hang out when i really wanted to be alone, pretending to study, pretending to be cool when im actually a nerd, pretending like i cared what someone was saying when actually i didnt give one shit. unfortunately, i lost my train of thought. i think i answered how are you doing with "im fine" too many times, to too many friends and waaaay too many family members.
at some point i realized that i was pretending. and that i was pretending because i didnt like the truth. i dont like confrontation or confrontation of the truth.
its kinda like when you have that friend, or that brother/sister/mom/dad/aunt/cousin who will always tells you the truth...so you tend to avoid them, or tell them half truths because you fear them telling you something that a.) you've already realized is true and/or b.) you dont wanna hear -- actually maybe those are one option.
maybe this makes no sense.
but seriously what if we all told the truth...ALL THE TIME? (did anyone jus get depressed??)
i am so much a "yes" person, that the idea of always being honest to everyone and especially to myself is depressing. thats so sick. revolting actually.
Yes, i'll accompany you.
Yes, i'll lend you some money.
Yes, you can borrow my shoes, mess them up and never give them back (college roomie).
Yes, you can break my heart.
Yes, i'll do this whole project by myself because you are no good.
Yes, i'll accept that you only put 14% effort into our friendship while im giving all i got.
Yes, i'll pay for your dinner.
Yes, i'll pick up your laundry.
Yes, i'll settle for mediocracy and status quo.
Yes, i'll go to med school for you.
Yes, i'll do a favor for you even though you barely return my cries for help.
Yes, i'll keep you around even though all you offer is negativity and impatience.
Yes, i'll fake laugh at all your lame jokes.
Yes, i'll let you undercut me with sarcastic jokes.
Yes, i'll try to understand you and see your side even though you brick-wall everything i say.
Sure, i'll suppress my true self because we wouldnt get along if i didn't.
fuck that. enough is enough. from here on out im boycotting (that, my friends, should be the wotd) pretending, white lies, loss of self, pacifying others and ignoring personal wants and needs, complacency, submission, ignorance, rejection, indecisiveness, negativity.
join me comrades! let us take the night!!
-1985nectar
Oh my God. And this isn't a BFF OMG. Nope, this is a hold up! Zoe saldana just texted me and asked me to be her man. This is a Wait! Outkast is dropping another studio album and they need me to hit the studio and give it a listen. You must be speaking for "all us".
ReplyDeleteHow many yes's do we have to give up? How many slices of our soul do we got to lay on he altar of conformity? Where do other people's expectations end and we begin? *exhales*
about your post. Your definitely preaching to the choir - and I'm willing to take up my flag and join you. And I don't want a flash fire revolution (here today and gone tommorrow) nope. I want a white hot, slow burning, intense life change.
Looking at the way we were raised vs. Fuzz I guess it was instilled in us to sacrifice but we got find a way to balance it like she does - otherwise it's just not going to lead to happiness.
Let's (watch for the cliche) start saying hell'z yea to ourselves.
Great post! Definitely inspired me.
i dig the cliche lol.
ReplyDeletea big hell yea to being one man armys and sacrificing for our dreams, instead of other peoples.