Tuesday, September 22, 2009

cognoscente


noun: a person with special knowledge; a connoisseur
i havent been back here in awhile, but considering my life circumstances, i needed an outlet. everytime someone asks me how im doing...it takes me forever to come up with a response that doesnt elude to my depression, bitterness, insomnia, loneliness or discouragement. ive come up with (with help from a good friend) "im growing"... life is such a journey. and yes i consider myself very blessed to be alive, well and fighting the good fight. i just hate this limbo, the waiting.
waiting on something spectacular to happen
waiting on my dreams to realize
waiting on my hard work to pay off
waiting on my career to get rolling
and i hate to use the term 'waiting' becaue it implies that im putting forth no effort or taking no action toward these things that i want. But i am. whats so frustrating is that it seems to be a interminable process and i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel...
i cant see the future...my hope is on thin whimsical threads...i cant see 10 steps ahead of me...
but that is how life is i guess. what keeps me from slitting my wrists (i shouldnt use the phrase so loosely i know) is the fact that God knows...brings a sort of peace to it all. and if anyone, anywhere, is reading this entry (although i highly highly doubt it) i guess that is what we have to keep in mind...no matter how hard it gets, how many answers we're looking for, whether or not we are searching for purpose or for ourselves...God is there with all the answers and He's the one waiting, waiting on us to realize that we can not dream anything that is too big for Him.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

espy

transitive verb: To catch sight of; to perceive with the eyes; to discover, as a distant object partly concealed, or not obvious to notice; to see at a glance; to discern unexpectedly


The great thing about each new day of life is just that, a new day of life. The opportunity to learn something new, discover something great, do something spontaneous, try a new food, save someones life, get rid of a bad habit, start a fresh, begin again. Such a wonderful feeling.

in this life we can only be ourselves, do our best and pray God will see us through all the blessings and the obstacles that he places in our paths on this journey called life. tonights entry is short and sweet, a summation of some realizations I've had these past couple months, all of which revisited me between yesterday and today - in some form.


i wish i knew french. i have a feeling that theres some yummy lil french saying that would come in handy right about now. until next time.

Monday, June 1, 2009

to treat as a pet; to treat with excessive indulgence

being a woman with a vagina is very difficult sometimes. the most difficult part abt being a woman with a vagina is dealing with men who have penises. today i called a friend of mine on my lunch break mostly because i was unable to respond to his 3am text (mostly because i was too busy sleeping). the point is he didnt answer. but furthermore, apart from that, i shot him a text stating my utter disappointment in his general lack of concern for my well-being. he swiftly responded, that he was too angry to make conversation. and then proceeded to tell me that (and i quote) "women are not shit".

ghastly.


june first is such a perfect day to start over. to make dreams come true. thats me, signing off. ta ta.

cosset

good day ladies, lads.


and so its begun. im not quite sure how this whole thing works but i have a good feeling that ill put it to good use. today at walgreens a curious young boy came up to me at the pharmacy counter and gave me a serious look in the eye. he then motioned me over. i stopped what i was doing because whatever this 7 yr old (im assuming he was abt 7)had to say it was very important.

"excuse me, ma'am" he had a paper attached to a clipboard. "which is your favorite? Cougars, elephants, tigers or monkeys?"

hey little boy. you are the reason i started this blog today. and not yesterday. and not tomorrow. i hate walgreens. but i love monkeys.